▻http://www.greenbag.org/v12n3/v12n3_levin.pdf
The food stays in the kitchen. Everything i needed to know about statutory interpretation i learned by the time i was nine
Hillel Y . Levin
On March 23, 1986, the following proclamation, henceforth known as Ordinance 7.3, was made by the Supreme Lawmaker, Mother:
I am tired of finding popcorn kernels, pretzel crumbs, and pieces of cereal all over the family room. From now on, no food may be eaten outside the kitchen.
Thereupon, litigation arose.
FATHER, C.J., issued the following ruling on March 30, 1986: Defendant Anne, age 14, was seen carrying a glass of water into the family room. She was charged with violating Ordinance 7.3 (“the Rule”). We hold that drinking water outside of the kitchen does not violate the Rule.
The Rule prohibits “food” from being eaten outside of the
kitchen. This prohibition does not extend to water, which is a beverage rather than food. Our interpretation is confirmed by Webster’s Dictionary, which defines food to mean, in relevant part, a “material consisting essentially of protein, carbohydrate, and fat used in the body of an organism to sustain growth, repair, and vital processes and to furnish energy” and “nutriment in solid form.” Plainly, water, which contains no protein, carbohydrate, or fat, and which is not in solid form, is not a food.
